Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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