im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
