is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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