Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
