Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
