i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize