My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
