You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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