ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
