You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My life is pants optional.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
