Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
