i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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