I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
