So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
