I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In other news, I just burned my penis
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
