Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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