this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
