so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
