matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
operation harelip BJ is a go
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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