Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
