Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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