just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize