I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
