I met the friendliest cop last night
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
