Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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