So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
