...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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