My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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