Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
