Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
