Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
