Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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