mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
