he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
