4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
