you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
These tits shall not be calmed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
