Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i will never coherently bang her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
