Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
