Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think my moral compass just broke
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
