Your tits are I can't wait for
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
