After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
