He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
