Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
