This is not my ceiling
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
