some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
