I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
