we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
