At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
