Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
