Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
