i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
