You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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