I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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