So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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