So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize