Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
