My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
