I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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