hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
