so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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