nut hugger
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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