i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
