This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
