***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
