Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
