fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
