Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
