I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize