you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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