I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
