Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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