I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
