paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
