Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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