you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
