I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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