At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
