I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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