matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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