Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
