that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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