im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
