i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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