are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
