and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
