i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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