tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
