i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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