if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my phone needs a breathalizer
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
