never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
