guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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