Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
