Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize